Tag Archive: Self-esteem


KCDC TroupeSome of you have probably seen this (I’ve posted this on all my blogs, plus several Facebook pages, including our troupe/studio page Kamala Chaand Dance Company, or my dance page, Adara Din), so my apologies for this clogging up your feeds.

Well… I’m only kind of sorry – because this is an awesome thing.

We are starting a community program called ‘Our Dancing Daughters’. This program is designed to support at-risk girls, teens, and women with self empowerment education through dance (a lot like SEEDs). There are, currently, no programs like this in our area.

Troupe members will be taking part in crisis prevention training so that we are able to coach the girls and young women through issues that they may be struggling with. We will work with a financial planner who will assist the girls and young women with learning how to make a budget, check their credit, balance a checkbook and plan their lives financially.

We will be implementing an accountability system whereby the girls and young women who are in school will have a regular check in with a partner and with one of the KCDC instructors about how they are doing in school and what they need to work on in order to excel.

Additionally, we will be aiding the girls in finding scholarships and programs to help them with their education after high school.

Our aim is to help women and girls who are the most at risk, to become leaders in their community through self empowerment and the building of their self esteem and self reliance.

We’ve started a fundraiser – it’s what all the cool kids are doing these days.

We’re working on getting a slightly larger studio space in our building, in order to accommodate a larger number of students. We are also looking for seed money to start the scholarship program, as well as being able to supply basic costuming for the scholarship recipients (zils, skirt, and an Our Dancing Daughters logo tank top).

This is something very important to me, personally, as I dealt with severe self-image issues and eating disorders as a young woman. I now know I am not alone, and having a support group in dance has been nothing short of amazing.

If you are able, please consider donating to our Gofundme fundraiser.
If you aren’t, but would still like to help, we’d love it if you could share our page with others.
Potato salad dude raised thousands of dollars on a joke; I think we can raise a bit to help our community.

TL;DR?
Visit the link and see the cool stuff you can get for helping at-risk girls.

Thank you!
(BIG thanks to our Mods for letting me post this here; ya’ll are stars!)

http://www.gofundme.com/b9mm38

 

girl power

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I wanted to expand a little on my Facebook status update from last night (3/31) for a few reasons, not the least of which being that it was late and I was typing it on my phone.

—-Original Post—-

“Confidence is sexy.”
How often, as women, do we hear that?
How many times today did I read that as a response to a friend’s status? Four. Four different friends had that response.
Do you know why I hate that phrase?
Because it’s a bullshit line.
Confidence *should* be sexy. But when a woman asks for what she wants or, Heaven forbid, demand it, she’s told that she is needy, demanding, and pushy (and a slew of other things).
We are, essentially, trained to shrink within ourselves. To be self-conscious and to think so little of ourselves so that we will not be seen as over-bearing.
Yes. We need to be confident and strong.
But YOU need to treat us like our wants are valid. Like we aren’t asking too much. Like it is acceptable and normal to have high hopes and goals.
I am confident.
But many times I feel I have to hide it because I just don’t have the patience to fight with people anymore.
You know what, though?
I am really, really tired of holding back.
So, fuck it.
I’m gonna be a goddamned star.

————–

Some of you may be wondering why I would be offended at someone telling me, even in a positive way, that my confidence is sexy.
Or maybe you’re not; it doesn’t particularly matter to me, but this post will probably bore and/or confuse you.

First of all, my attractiveness is not anyone’s business but my own. How I look, how I feel, cannot, should not, and will not be validated by how others see me.
I don’t need to *be* a certain thing to please others.

Secondly, by implying that only when I am “confident” (does it always have a particular look?) can I be attractive, you are invalidating all other emotions I may experience.
It’s like when someone (male or female, mind you) tells you that “you should smile more often; you’re so much prettier when you smile.”
It’s condescending.

Side note:
I had Glamour Shots photos taken several years ago. One photo hung on a wall, framed, in the art gallery where I worked. I cannot tell you how often I heard this (and variations of it):
“Oh my God, is that you?! You look really different. You look so pretty!”
They were trying to be nice… I suppose, but it hurt. They were essentially saying that I was not beautiful naturally. That the air brushed, coated-in-make-up me was stunning.

I trust very few people out there when it comes to my appearance – sexy or not.
And even then, I really only trust myself.

I don’t dress a certain way to please others. It’s pretty obvious that I live at the ass-end of the fashion world.
I wear blue jeans and hoodies, I wear my dance gear, I wear old sweatshirts that have been shredded by time.
I wear what makes me comfortable.
I have tattoos that mean things to me. I don’t give a damn if anyone else “gets” them. They’re for me and me alone.
I color my hair. Often.
I like how I look with different colors.
I wear next-to-no makeup on a daily basis. I don’t need to put color in my cheeks to please the masses.
I am more than okay with how pale I am.
That said, I enjoy wearing makeup. I like showing off different features in different ways, and playing with colors to see how they look on my face.
I do not do that for anyone but myself.

It may be a bit hypocritical to say that I do appreciate it when people tell me things like, “You look really good today.” or “That’s a great color on you.”
It is a bit of an ego boost, and I’m okay with that.
But…. I do not feel horrible or sad or like less of a woman if I don’t hear those things. Hell, I don’t even think about it.

If I want an opinion about how I look, I’ll ask.

I’m really fortunate to have people in my life that are supportive of me and my choices.
Rarely have my friends or family told me that I’d “look better if…”

————-

Confidence is:
The state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
I am confident that my looks have nothing to do with my feeling of confidence.

A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.
I am confident that, regardless of how other people see me, I am beautiful, talented, intelligent, compassionate, and driven.

If someone chooses to see me differently, that’s their problem, not mine.

Rainbow Dash

I’m feeling off.
Part of me is genuinely happy with how life is right now. I’m comfortable, surrounded by people who love and respect me. I’ve found a whole mess of people who support me.

But there’s another part of me that wants to curl up and hide in a corner.

The scared little girl that wonders if she’ll ever be good enough, strong enough, pretty enough.
If she’ll ever be enough.

There are occasions – not as many as there used to be, mind you – where I feel so down on myself.
I have so many wonderful people around me, and sometimes I feel like I could never be as wonderful as they are.

I see these beautiful, healthy, smart women in my life.
Photos pop up on social media sites, hanging out at the malls, at dance events, at the bar, wherever.
I feel so… ugly.

All over, I feel ugly.
It’s like nothing I could ever say, or do, or be, will ever be meaningful or beautiful.

I don’t like to compare myself to others, and I try very hard not to.
I cannot ever compare to anyone else because we are not the same. Apples and oranges, you know?
There are times, though, that it gets the better of me.

So, today is one of those days.
I feel unattractive, lazy, and impossibly stupid.

It will pass; I know that.
Right now, though, I feel awful.