Tag Archive: relationships


Ch-ch-ch-changes…

It’s been far too long since I’ve been here.
Life exploded and then imploded on me.

EXPLOSION!!!!

Our dance company got a new studio space (yay!) and we moved in, started classes, had a party, etc.
Class sizes for me are good – I teach the beginner level classes, and have had 5-9 people per class. Our other classes are doing well, too. We’re growing, and that’s great.

I was asked by another dance troupe to join them in dancing at the Festival of Nations event. It’s a pretty big deal for me.
I used to go to the event for my school language classes.
Now I get to dance there!

More than 100 ethnic groups participate in the festival to share their traditions, customs, food, arts/handicrafts, music and dances. You can see beautiful dance and music performances on three stages, watch educational demonstrations, shop the international bazaar, and sample the culinary delights of many different nations!
Vendors and organizations represent non-profit educational and ethnic organizations.
Al-Bahira will be performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday of the Festival, representing the nation of Egypt (on behalf of the Egyptian American Society)
~ and ~  for the first time, the Persian (Iranian) ethnic group will also be represented at the festival (with stage performances by Al-Bahira.)

IMPLOSION!!!

My marriage fell apart.
Like…. fell. the. fuck. apart.

I needed more from him than he could give me.
I wasn’t strong enough to maintain any hope that things would change.
He really tried. I love him for that.
He was beginning to put so much of the effort that I wished he would have had for so long.
But I had to prompt him to care again.
I shouldn’t have to force my partner to care for me.
I shouldn’t have to threaten to leave in order to get him to realize that I’m important.
I put so much effort into trying to force him to want to be a part of my life.
And, when he realized he would lose me, it was too late.
I knew that, if I stayed, I would forever dread that things would go back to the way they were.
That I would be lonely in his presence.

I don’t want to live in fear.

Last weekend, we I made the decision to end our marriage.
I hope that, sometime in the future, we can be friends.
I don’t hate him.
I’m not angry with him.
I will always have a special place in my heart for him.
He will always be one of my best friends.
Even if he wants nothing to do with me.

So now I move on.
My friends and family have been wonderful and supportive.
I am so incredibly thankful for that.

I am sad.
But I will be happy again.
And I hope he will, too.

moon and stars

The Type – Sarah Kay

There is power in words.
And thoughts.
And actions.
We are power.
We are women.

The Muse & Her Demons

If you grow up the type of woman men want to look at,
you can let them look at you. But do not mistake eyes for hands.

Or windows.
Or mirrors.

Let them see what a woman looks like.
They may not have ever seen one before.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to touch,
you can let them touch you.

Sometimes it is not you they are reaching for.
Sometimes it is a bottle. A door. A sandwich. A Pulitzer. Another woman.

But their hands found you first. Do not mistake yourself for a guardian.
Or a muse. Or a promise. Or a victim. Or a snack.

You are a woman. Skin and bones. Veins and nerves. Hair and sweat.
You are not made of metaphors. Not apologies. Not excuses.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to hold,
you can let…

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Feeling a bit lost…

A few years back, I found a college friend on Facebook and dropped him a line that it would be fun to get together for a drink and catch up. I received a short, abrupt response requesting that I never contact him again.

I wasn’t looking for anything besides a chat with an old friend,  so I was a bit hurt as what I assumed his assumption was; but I respected his wishes, and barely thought about him since.

Until yesterday…

I got an email from him, saying he was a “free” man and would like to take me up on the drinks offer.

My reply was what anyone would expect. I was shocked, hurt again, and unsure of how to take his invitation. Now that he was “free”, was he looking for action?
His wrote that he wasn’t looking for that. He just got out of a relationship with his ex-fiance, the mother of his child. She had apparently asked his to cut ties with people like me, to which he complied.

Still… weird.

I have plans to meet him this weekend for brunch.
I just don’t know what to expect.

::sigh::