Tag Archive: health


I am not so sick!!!!

My pathology labs came back already – holy crap, that was fast!

I was just in yesterday for the biopsy; that was pretty sucktastic – lots of needle pokes. My neck is stiff and sore. It hurts to talk, to cough, to laugh. Sneezing just about brings me to tears.

But… good news!

I am cancer free!!!!!!

Yay!

I’m Sick, part 2

More news since ‘I’m Sick’….

I went in for my biopsy today.
It was pretty awful but, fortunately, brief.
Six pokes on each side of my neck (lidocaine and the actualy biopsy).
Now it looks like I was mauled by a vampire.
And it hurts to move my head.
I should, hopefully, have the results next week.

Thyroid Biopsy

It doesn’t look like much, much it is really swollen, and very sore.
Swallowing is slightly difficult, but not impossible.
Turning my head is not easy.

I’m sick…

We just don’t know how sick yet.

—-

I’ve been mulling over whether or not to blog about this, since nothing is definite, but this is a fairly private blog, and no one in my family reads it, so I feel like I can go ahead and vent a little.

A few months ago, I noticed a swelling in my neck. It was around the beginning of the school year, so I assumed it was a swollen lymph node – my friends’ kids were all getting the back-to-school ick, so my friends were sick, so I was sick. As it happens.
Every.
Damn.
Year.

Flash forward a few weeks…
I’m at the end of my Ireland trip, hubby gets a cold, so I do, too. Sharing is caring, right?
I ended up with a sinus infection, ear infection, and a pretty nasty cough.
That cough didn’t go away for weeks.
And I mean weeks.
When I hit the three-week mark of this pretty nasty cough (lots of flem, coughing so hard that I felt like I was going to puke, etc.), I scheduled an appointment with a GP.

Turns out, I had bronchitis.
Oh, and that lump?
Had nothing to do with it… so off to get blood work done.
Aaaaaaaand I had to schedule and ultrasound.

Fun.

After about a week, I get the results in the mail. Bloodwork looks normal; yay!
Ultrasound results look scary. Boo!
Apparently, I have a large thyroid nodule on the right, and two smaller nodules on the left.
The notes included words like “cystic” and “solid” and “FNA recommended”.
FNA means “fine needle aspiration” – a biopsy.

But, I’m not a doctor, and I don’t play one on TV, so I schedule another appointment with a GP to discuss.

F*ck.
It looks “concerning”.
Consult with an endocrinologist.

The endo doc was nice. He was very clinical, and straightforward. He didn’t seem overly concerned, as thyroid cancer is rare and easily treated. But, the size of the lumps in my throat were enough to warrant a biopsy.

While these nodules are huge, they are big enough to affect my swallowing.
And I constantly feel like I have to clear my throat, which is irritating the sh*t out of it.

I’m tired, like, all the time.
And I have very little interest in food. I’ll get hungry, and eat, but I get no enjoyment like I used to.

In the event that I have something like hypothyroidism, that might explain why, despite the fact that I’m in the studio and dancing 4-5 nights a week, I haven’t been able to lose any weight (as a matter of fact, I’ve been gaining some).

It could explain the fatigue.

But I won’t know until I have the biopsy (two days before Thanksgiving) and get the results.

I hate waiting.

There’s that brief moment, when you turn on a television, that you feel and hear the electricity snap to life. Or when you’re in an older house and the hair on the back of your neck stands on end when you flip a light switch or start the dryer. You can feel it in your stomach, and you can hear that high-pitched whine deep in your head.

That’s how I feel when I am around people.

Everyone has this – hum. It’s a bit like a vibration.
Well…. it’s like when you can hear a vibration (kinda like when your cell phone goes off).
It’s a little like how I imagine mediums see auras; it’s just there.

I don’t really recall when I first noticed it, or when I finally realized what it was. It just clicked one day that other people, especially the toxic kind of people, were affecting me more than I thought was necessary.

I’m a bit of an empath.
Happy people make me very happy.
Being around angry people sometimes makes me violently ill.
Sadness can easily throw me into depressive episodes.

I’ve learned to read, for lack of a better term, the hum. It helps me avoid certain people in order to keep myself balanced.

It’s a lot like music; it can make you feel very intense emotions.

So this hum is a song. Everyone has their own song, and it stays the same for each individual, but the intensity, the dynamic of the song changes based on current mood.

The hum hits me square in the chest.
An angry hum feels like I’ve been kicked.
A sad hum pulls me out of myself, like I’m drifting into fog.
A happy hum feels a bit like a hug. It’s warm and calm.

I get overwhelmed at events, sometimes, because there is so much chaos. I get a ringing in my ears from the ceaseless echo of voices. It takes a hell of a lot of concentration to not panic. I will generally gravitate toward one or two people and focus on them.

I can feel my own hum all the time. And when my hum harmonizes with someone else’s, it’s a great feeling. It’s like I have my own little orchestra playing.

My friends all have this in common – their hum plays nicely with my own. Sometimes, their hums match up with the others’, too. That is usually when I am most contented. There are some friends, though, that (while I love them dearly) I cannot have around each other. It breaks my heart, but it’s for my own good. It’s not even that said friends cannot be around each other. It’s just that the vibration is so mis-matched that it gives me a headache.

drums

Late.

My period was more than a week late… it finally came late last night/this morning.

I have been regular for the last 7 years (miserable, but regular), so late freaked me the fuck out.
My regular pre-flow symptoms did not come, with the exception of a bit of acne that showed up a few days ago. I really, really tried to rationalize that this is all due to the fact that I started taking evening primrose oil and black cohosh supplements. It’s the most reasonable answer.

But I still started to panic.

So, yay; today I’m all bloaty and headachey. But… that’s not the reason why I am hostile.
I had to tell hubby (I’m horrible with secrets, and keep very few from him). I had to tell him that I was worried enough to buy a test. And, silly me, I had to ask him “What if?”.

It’s tough to answer that kind of hypothetical when you aren’t in that position.

But it comes down to this:
If I ever change my mind about having kids, my marriage would end. Period.
I haven’t really finished processing it, so I quite don’t know how I feel about it.
But part of me is angry. And part of me is sad. And another part is fairly indifferent to it all because I am pretty comfortable with my life and I don’t do well with change.

Thanks, lady.

 

 

 

 

 

With how sick (and I’m talking violently sick) I got on Friday afternoon, and how much I feel like death right now. I am seriously concerned about endometriosis.
Those pain killers I popped can kick in any time now.

I only recently started having debilitating pain during girl-flu, but this is damn near unbearable, and the absolute worst it’s ever been.

As an aside – hubby bought me ice cream. He has know idea how to “handle” me right now, but he certainly knows how to try. 🙂

gurl