Archive for October, 2013


Samhain Blessings!

From Wikipedia:
Samhain
 (pronounced /ˈsɑːwɪn/ sah-win or /ˈsaʊ.ɪn/ sow-in)[1] is a Gaelic festival marking the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter or the “darker half” of the year.
It is celebrated from sunset on 31 October to sunset on 1 November, which is nearly halfway between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice.

More fun info, jacked from http://wicca.com/celtic/akasha/samhainlore.htm:
Originally the “Feast of the Dead” was celebrated in Celtic countries by leaving food offerings on altars and doorsteps for the “wandering dead”. Today a lot of practitioners still carry out that tradition. Single candles were lit and left in a window to help guide the spirits of ancestors and loved ones home. Extra chairs were set to the table and around the hearth for the unseen guest. Apples were buried along roadsides and paths for spirits who were lost or had no descendants to provide for them. Turnips were hollowed out and carved to look like protective spirits, for this was a night of magic and chaos. The Wee Folke became very active, pulling pranks on unsuspecting humans. Traveling after dark was was not advised. People dressed in white (like ghosts), wore disguises made of straw, or dressed as the opposite gender in order to fool the Nature spirits.

This was the time that the cattle and other livestock were slaughtered for eating in the ensuing winter months. Any crops still in the field on Samhain were considered taboo, and left as offerings to the Nature spirits. Bonfires were built, (originally called bone-fires, for after feasting, the bones were thrown in the fire as offerings for healthy and plentiful livestock in the New Year) and stones were marked with peoples names. Then they were thrown into the fire, to be retrieved in the morning. The condition of the retrieved stone foretold of that person’s fortune in the coming year. Hearth fires were also lit from the village bonfire to ensure unity, and the ashes were spread over the harvested fields to protect and bless the land.

Various other names for this Greater Sabbat are Third Harvest, Samana, Day of the Dead, Old Hallowmas (Scottish/Celtic), Vigil of Saman, Shadowfest (Strega), and Samhuinn. Also known as All Hallow’s Eve, (that day actually falls on November 7th), and Martinmas (that is celebrated November 11th), Samhain is now generally considered the Witch’s New Year.

Symbolism of Samhain:
Third Harvest, the Dark Mysteries, Rebirth through Death.

Symbols of Samhain:
Gourds, Apples, Black Cats, Jack-O-Lanterns, Besoms.

Herbs of Samhain:
Mugwort, Allspice, Broom, Catnip, Deadly Nightshade, Mandrake, Oak leaves, Sage and Straw.

Foods of Samhain:
Turnips, Apples, Gourds, Nuts, Mulled Wines, Beef, Pork, Poultry.

Incense of Samhain:
Heliotrope, Mint, Nutmeg.

Colors of Samhain:
Black, Orange, White, Silver, Gold.

Stones of Samhain:
All Black Stones, preferably jet or obsidian.

A Prayer to the Ancestors

This is the night when the gateway between
our world and the spirit world is thinnest.
Tonight is a night to call out those who came before.
Tonight I honor my ancestors.
Spirits of my fathers and mothers, I call to you,
and welcome you to join me for this night.
You watch over me always,
protecting and guiding me,
and tonight I thank you.
Your blood runs in my veins,
your spirit is in my heart,
your memories are in my soul.

[If you wish, you may want to recite your genealogy here. This can include both your blood family, and your spiritual one.]

With the gift of remembrance.
I remember all of you.
You are dead but never forgotten,
and you live on within me,
and within those who are yet to come

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Scared and alone

Ugh.

The Muse & Her Demons

You left me here, alone, without even saying goodbye.

I crave your touch, your kiss, but you turn to stone.
I find myself chasing after you, but you never come for me.

When I need you most, I feel abandoned.

What did I do that was so wrong, so terrible?
What can I do to bring you back to me?

I feel torn apart, ripped open, and vulnerable.
I want to scream until my lungs give out.

There are no more tears; I’ve cried them all.

It wouldn’t matter if any were left, though.
You don’t see them anymore.

I am weak.

 

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Haunted

The Muse & Her Demons

I waited for him.

Everywhere I went, I looked…. I waited to see his face in the crowd.

So many years had gone by, and still I hoped.

Then,  one day, I realized that I had stopped looking.
And it broke my heart.
So I began to look again.

I knew that I loved him when I said goodbye.
That’s why I had to let him go.

—-

My love for him was strong. It was powerful and beautiful and mad.
I wanted him so deeply, and I needed him like a drug.
He was my obsession, my addiction.
But I had no business taking him.
He was not mine, and I could never be his.

Part of me wanted to believe that I would stop, or that I could bury it enough to never think about it again.
But I kept looking for him.

Another part of me…

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Ch-ch-ch-changes

I recently discovered that my body would be fine if I chose to get pregnant; something I was told long ago was not an option.

I’ve struggled with this for the last several weeks. It has put me in a pretty bad space, mentally. 

I love my husband deeply. That will probably never change. He’s been a huge part of my life for 17 years – more than half my life.

But I’m at a point where I have to tell him that I want to be a mother… and that will end our marriage.
I don’t know how I’m going to handle this.
And, because of our work schedules, I won’t really get to see him until tomorrow night.

::sigh::

Shutupshutupshutupshutup

Something that happened while I got ready for work this morning brought a flash of a memory of a dream.
It was something that I had apparently shuffled to the back of my brain, hoping to forget it.

I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.

It struck me so hard that I have found myself on the verge of a panic attack since. And I can’t seem to shake it.

What could affect me so deeply?
Fearing that the people I love most will leave me.
In the dream, someone communicated with my loved ones that I was “toxic”, and should be left to my own misery instead of bringing it to them.

And they did.
Everyone left; including my cats.
Every. Single. One.
Gone.

I had nothing and no one.

I worry that my negativity brings down the people around me.I do my very best not to let it spill out into the open, because that last thing I want is to infect others with my bad vibes.

WHY IS MY BRAIN SO MEAN?!

A Chance Meeting

Another little short….

The Muse & Her Demons

“Shit; this place is packed.”

“I’m not surprised, DeeDee. I mean, it is a Friday night.”

“Yeah, but… I thought you said this would be a low-key deal. You know that I hate crowds.”

“Nah; don’t worry about it. We’ll be off to the side in the other room, not in the bar.”

“Ugh, fine. But, seriously, Beccs, if I get manhandled, I’m coming after you.”

“Deal.”

The girls made their way to the side room of the bar, the kind of room reserved for large parties and fundraisers.
There were several small tables set up so that everyone could see the guest speakers talk about whatever it was they were there for.

“Why are we here, by the way?”

“Look, sweetie, I’m a HUGE fan of this guy’s work. I want to meet him. See? I even have a picture for him to sign.”

“We’re over 30. Aren’t you…

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