My period was more than a week late… it finally came late last night/this morning.

I have been regular for the last 7 years (miserable, but regular), so late freaked me the fuck out.
My regular pre-flow symptoms did not come, with the exception of a bit of acne that showed up a few days ago. I really, really tried to rationalize that this is all due to the fact that I started taking evening primrose oil and black cohosh supplements. It’s the most reasonable answer.

But I still started to panic.

So, yay; today I’m all bloaty and headachey. But… that’s not the reason why I am hostile.
I had to tell hubby (I’m horrible with secrets, and keep very few from him). I had to tell him that I was worried enough to buy a test. And, silly me, I had to ask him “What if?”.

It’s tough to answer that kind of hypothetical when you aren’t in that position.

But it comes down to this:
If I ever change my mind about having kids, my marriage would end. Period.
I haven’t really finished processing it, so I quite don’t know how I feel about it.
But part of me is angry. And part of me is sad. And another part is fairly indifferent to it all because I am pretty comfortable with my life and I don’t do well with change.