I’m beginning to suspect that I may be more than just depressed.

I feel like the world is crashing down around me, that nothing I do is right. I feel like I am losing control over even the smallest things.

And yet, I have moments where I feel like things are fine. Like I should be grateful for the things I have.
Because, really, I have a good, comfortable life.
I have a steady job, relatively good health, a home, a husband that I love and who loves me.

My life is a good one.

And yet, I cannot find peace.
I am restless and melancholy and empty.
There is a pain in me…. I can’t say it’s my stomach or my chest… there’s a pain. A hollow, almost burning pain.  It reminds me of when I am very hungry, to the point when my body starts to shut down. All I want to do is sleep.

I would like to think that I will get through this.
That it’s maybe a symptom of SAD (we really don’t get much sunshine up here… but fortunately spring is slowly keeping in.

It’s just really, really hard.