Archive for September, 2012


Cuddles

One of the most relaxing things in (my) life is having a cat purr near or on you.

As I type this, my Wookie is sitting on my legs – doing that kneading thing cats do – going off like an out-board motor. I can hear her purr, and I can feel it vibrating through my legs. It’s like a mini-massage!

I have a bit of a hangover this morning. We decided to play a drinking game last night while watching The Fellowship of the Ring. We would take a shot (not a full shot, more like a small swig,  thankfully, or I may have needed medical attention by now) of Jameson every time Frodo gave Sam and endearing look or said “Oh, Sam.”
I was also drinking beer (Vine Park Brewery’s Black IPA, mmmm….).

Yeah, my head’s a little foggy.

So the fur-monster is a needed relief. She’s warm and soft and very calming.

I’m quite thankful for the little things.

This is how my kitties make me feel.

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Trying to Find a Giggle

Fellow blogger and Who fan, Elfkat, inspired me to find these images.
Of the few things that have made me happy lately, Doctor Who and kittens are at the top of the list.

Seriously, I’ve had some kind of funk in my brain. I would use the term depression, but I feel that it would take away from those folks who have been clinically diagnosed. But, needing a word to describe the last few weeks, that might have to do.

There’s been an overwhelming feeling of unease, insecurity, and self-loathing. I feel fat, lazy, and unmotivated to do anything about it, which makes me pissed off at myself  as well. I fall into bouts of unexplained sadness. There have been few moments of true happiness.

Even the comfort of kitten cuddles brings little joy. Sometimes, it makes me incredibly sad to have my girls with me. I love them, and find few things as relaxing as their purring (and even their snoring). But, since Peanut passed, it has been bittersweet.

And though this is my favorite time of year – Renn Faires, cool-but-not-cold weather (perfect for hoodies), dance events – I’m finding it hard to focus on all the good things that I normally look forward to.

Part of me feels lost. It’s like I’m missing something, though I don’t know what it is.
I’ve prayed to Brigid for guidance.
I’ve meditated… sat quietly in my room, soft music playing in the background (Susheela Ramen songs are great for that). I focus on the quiet, or find a beat in the music. I imagine my body is wrapped in a warm, golden light. It envelopes and soothes me. Beginning with my toes, I begin to feel a slight tingle, not entirely unlike that when your foot or hand falls asleep, but not the painful kind of tingle. That feeling travels up my legs and slowly spreads over my body. By the time I feel that my whole self is “fuzzy”, my mind is generally clear and I can drift off into my conscious.

But, I haven’t been able to get there.
It’s like I am preventing myself – or being prevented – from finding that tranquil place. My field. My garden.

Ugh.
Blargh.

I feel like I can’t relax.

“By divine accident, this splendid impression of beauty, fleeting and frail, shall forever remain the embodiment of grace.” — Anonymous.

Spiritual Capitalism

“The definition of Spiritual Capitalism is trying to make money off people’s longing for God.

One of my friends posted a link to this blog post, I really felt the need to share.

The idea that I should purchase a class, workshop, DVD, or book (etc., etc.) from someone claiming to be a teacher or guru in hopes that I will become rich or famous is ridiculous. These kinds of people try to sell folks a dream… a really crappy one-dimension dream: Get money, be happy.

Because, you know, you can only be happy if you have money.
And you can make money quick by spending money on my “how to make money fast” book.

Send me money.
So you can get money.
I know I’ll be happy.