I’m at a point in my life where many, if not most, of my friends are becoming parents and doing those parent-related things. I’m ok with that; many of my friends are suited for parenthood and will probably be great at it. Heck, someone has to make babies to continue our species, right?

Also, a lot of the people I know are getting big kid jobs. You know, the kind of gig that requires you to go to bed at a decent hour and wake up stupid early. Again, I’m all for it. It keeps the economy running. I (sort of) have one of those jobs. No, I don’t have to get up early, but I do need to go to bed by 2 am. It’s a Monday-Friday thing, but I don’t mind staying out on a weeknight.

Here’s my problem:

I no longer have any close friends. According to facebook, I have something like 390 “friends”. Now, a handful or so are people I have never met. Some are family. Most are people with whom I have some sort of a connection in “real life”. But none of them are really that close to me anymore. And I am not close to them. This is probably the first time in my memory that I haven’t had a best friend.

I’m at that age where people I used to know have moved on (and moved away). I have not moved on, or away. I stay up/out late. I drink… a fair amount. I play video games.

I do not have children, nor do I intend to.

As much as I enjoy the company of some kids, it is only for a short amount of time. I get really uncomfortable once they start crying or getting whiny or whatever it is that kids do to make parents give them what they want. I don’t enjoy being around kids when they need to be disciplined. And I really get uncomfortable (read: ticked off) when people with kids give me that look and say things like “You’ll understand when you have your own.”

No. No I will not.Because it isn’t going to happen.Please stop expecting me to start popping out crotch-spawn just because I am a 30 year-old [married] woman.

But I digress… back to the friends thing.

I am a bad friend.

Why?1) I don’t really call people. In part, it is because I am on a different time schedule than others, and I don’t want to call at inappropriate times and interrupt (dinner, nap time, “family time”., etc.). I like to send emails/messages (facebook or text). It may seem impersonal, but it’s a good way for me to communicate without feeling like I am burdening someone.

2) I am terrible about getting together with people. Most of the 30ish crowd like to go out on Friday or Saturday night. I do not. In no way, shape, or form. I HATE the weekend bar scene. Ick.

3) I expect people to call/message me.

I look at all this… stuff… and think that it’s because they all changed. But, maybe it’s me. Maybe because I didn’t change….

Is it because I got bored? Or because they did? Or is it because I don’t try hard enough to be there for them?

It’s put me in a weird place.

I dunno. Whatever, I guess. It would be nice, though, if I had that again.

Meh. Time to get off my pity box. I’m a big girl.

Advertisements